"Pata hai.. Yahaan se bahut door. Galat aur sahi ke paar. Ek maidan hai. Main wahaan milunga tujhe"
(You know...Far away from here, beyond the right and wrong, there is an open ground...I will meet you there...) - Rumi
For my Day Zero task(101 things to do in 1001 days) I was struggling hard this month, as I need to update my blog every month for a year. I was nearing the end of the month and nothing was coming to my mind so I started to go through the old drafts of mine to find some clue there. And I stumbled upon some paragraphs in them that I have used here in this blog and I realized that, that is the theme a movie that I recently saw, Rockstar, was partly based on. I had almost forgotten I had written it here too(I have it in my diary). Just thought of publishing it now, may be cause, since I saw Rockstar recently, it is fresh in my mind and moreso cause I need to complete my task. Here it goes, the first 3 paragraphs here are the ones that I had written some four five months back. No I am not claiming that I am some smartass who can write stuff movies are made of and no I have not copied the theme of Rockstar here, I don't need to do that cause I am not even a writer plus I did not really think the movie was all that great. I had some thoughts, so sharing them here:
One day I was just wondering what I wanted to do in life as in the eternal question- What is my life's goal??? I am 25 and still no "passion" in life. Something I really wanna do. But it is squat. Sad huh?
Well there are some people who live a passionless life and I guess am just one of them. Was I born with any talent? Is there anything that has not been identified yet? Something unexplored. And here I am not talking about the routine job that we all people do to earn money and pay the rent and bills.
I wish there was something I could do extraordinarily, something that I followed with all my heart. I can do a lot of stuff okay, but nothing out of the box. Then I started to think that to pursue anything you need to feel the pain, the sadness behind it and that's when your best creation comes out. The best songs, the best paintings, the best poetry come from the most hurt souls. Pain is a stimulator and can be super constructive. It boils as a pain but comes out through the creative vent. At times brings out the best in you.
Sometimes, I wish that I could write a great poem but how can I do that when I have not really touched that painful side of me, that sad part inside me. Sometimes pain gets you acquainted to a part inside you that you never knew existed. Whatever little I have evolved, I think it's the pain that I had faced at various instances of my life that helped me and I am thankful to the people/events that caused it cause I didn't even know that I could experience that kindda feeling ever, that there is a different side to me.
(sounds familiar? rings a bell???)
When I was young I wanted to be in a band. I knew squat about playing instruments and singing, still like any other teenager, who had recently started listening to English songs of boy bands like Backstreet boys, Boyzone and Westlife and grew up singing "I am a Barbie Girl" and whose first international crush was Ronan Keating, singing in a band would have been a natural career progression. My room was filled with posters of these guys. If ever I would have made a band it would have been called Face the Music. But then we all wanna be in a band when we were teenagers. ;)
My mum has been the drummer in my family's and my life. I believe that in a band, the drummer is the one who holds the whole band together, like the backbone. Even though she/he keeps playing in the background, forming the foundation for a piece of music, sitting at the farthest end of the stage, hardly visible behind the lead vocalist and lead guitarist, the drummer holds it all. If the drummer is not tight, the whole band falls like a pack of cards. My mother has been that for us, holding us all together. Without her, we fall. Thanks mum, I never say that to you too often!
Doing engineering was the actual natural career progression that took place. You score well in class??? Love mathematics??? Voila... Engineering is the only career choice. And here I am, another engineer here, trying hard to carve a niche for herself. To be honest, I am not even trying that hard. I have been destiny's child so far. Things just happened to me. College, job, MBA or no MBA. I never really went out there, struggled for things, made efforts. Partly cause I didn't really have any passion, partly may be cause I got things the easy way. Not that I am scared of anything or of trying new things. I don't know if getting things the easy way is a good thing or not but one day one really needs to and has to come out of one's comfort zone, one's cocoon, push oneself, take those baby steps on a rope tied between two ends of poles, with no man's land underneath and walk into the unseen, the untreaded .
About personal life, about relationships and all...well, I have been silly there, I have to agree. A friend of mine got so far as saying to me that the remake of a movie should be made- Good luck Chhavi(based on Good luck Chuck). Those who have seen the movie will understand what I am talking about, minus the coitus part. :P Guys usually find the girl of their lives after they go past me.
So far, it has been a No-Regrets kindda life mostly. Some things happened, some didn't, some should have happened, some shouldn't have, but no issues. Even though destiny kept throwing stuff at me, at the end of the day, the decision was made solely by me and mostly not influenced by someone else or something else. That's the key of having no regrets I think. The feeling that all the decisions that I took in the day, were all my choices and that's how I want my life to be right now. But I need to find my "thing".
There are some major decisions to be taken ahead about what destiny is offering me right now, that can change the course of my life but let things come one at a time. Will deal with them too. Bring it on! :)
From writing a blog to finish off a task, I didn't realize it would become like a page in my diary, but then my life is an open ebook, with only few pages having passwords. ;)
Cheers!
