Leap of faith!

Here goes one more year. 2011! You will be remembered for a lot of things. 2010 was a weird year for me. I am still not able to decipher why things happened that happened that year. May be I will get to know as life unfolds. But 2011 was a nice year, especially the later half. Professional front is still uptight but when your personal life is satisfying and you are happy inside, these things don't matter much. On the other hand, if the personal life is screwed up, no matter how well you do on professional front, life still sucks.

If I have to define 2011 in one word then I would say, SATISFYING! It just seems yesterday when I was writing a blog on year 2010 and how the year had drained me emotionally and physically, and here I am writing about 2011. Time flies. This would be my last blog this year may be and with this I will strike one more task off my dayzero project -Write a blog for every month for a whole year (Can't believe I am actually pulling it off :D).

Honestly, I don't even remember what happened in first half of the year. I stressed hard to remember what all happened but nil. Recency effect may be. I guess it was all work, work, work and may be a bit of sulking on some issues of the previous year. But we "Move On"! It is a funny phrase, "move on". Is there really anything that exists called as moving on? It sounds like you trampled that part of your life and walked on it. I think we just "Move Away" from things, eventually. Anyway, second half, on the other hand, was eventful. I went traveling to some places (long time since I last went on vacation). A couple of my close friends got married (am already feeling old). I took some major steps in personal life (trying to find myself on the outside and not inside me), struck many things off my Todo list.

One such thing was Bungee jumping. I am a case of Acrophobia, not an acute one but yeah it gets me shit scared. But I am glad to say that the adventure freak inside me has a bigger say in deciding things. So when my birthday was approaching this year, I had decided I had to do something new, something for the first time as a birthday present to myself. Bungee jumping was long due. So with a friend I was Rishikesh bound.

There I was, standing on that metal platform a week before my birthday. The whirling of the wind at that height of 83 meters could be heard distinctly, as if banging on my eardums and along with that the screeching of metals, the gurgling of water underneath and my heartbeats were creating some kindda jam session. The walk over the bridge to reach the platform was one of the toughest I had treaded in my life when I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing. I said to myself, "Chhavi, what kindda birthday gift are you giving to yourself. You will kill yourself, if not by hitting the ground then by a heart attack." And then in a few minutes, half of my feet were dangling in the air and other half on that iron platform. A voice was coming from behind... "Jump...whenever you are ready. 3...2...1...Bungee". A voice was coming from inside "Chhavi, you are mad to do this. But I know you can do it...Take the leap of faith." I said to the voice from behind, "I will fall." The voice said with a wink in his eye, "Well, yes, eventually you will." But I hesitated. He again said, "Whenever you are ready. 3...2..1..Bungee!"

And then I jumped, leaving all my fears behind. I had to have faith, in that rope that was tied to my legs, in that voice which asked me to jump, and above all in myself that I will make it. I did it and came out alive. The time when you just have to let go of yourself is the toughest time. And then when I had jumped, I didn't know if the ground is going to hit me first or I am going to hit it first. But that feeling is amazing and cannot be described in the words. But some words come in handy when you are airborne, for me they did cause I used so many swear words that people thought my rope may have broken.;) The blood gets shot up right to your face and it gives you all the more energy to shout out loud, as loud as you can. The experience is undescribable and I wouldn't even waste words in doing so. It will take out the thrill, the purity, the edginess of the moment. It is something that one should experience oneself.

Life throws stuff at you all the time. It is for you to decide when to take the leap. And when you do take the leap, it may seem at first that you are going to fall flat on the ground and will smash your face, but you need to remember that there is a rope that will always hold you and prevent you from falling and that rope is FAITH.

I won't say that the fear is gone now cause even when I think of how I jumped, it sends shivers down my spine but I am glad that I took the Leap of faith. I am very proud of myself... ;) Bungee jumping- Check!

And as they said in How I met your mother:
http://fliiby.com/file/580779/mlz9fxbdtw.html

If the world doesn't end in 2012, then I am sure more things will be done so that there are more stories to be told. Waiting for you eagerly, 2012!

"Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith."- Margaret Shepard

Making of a Rockstar

                                Made by me

"Pata hai.. Yahaan se bahut door. Galat aur sahi ke paar. Ek maidan hai. Main wahaan milunga tujhe"

(You know...Far away from here, beyond the right and wrong, there is an open ground...I will meet you there...) - Rumi

For my Day Zero task(101 things to do in 1001 days) I was struggling hard this month, as I need to update my blog every month for a year. I was nearing the end of the month and nothing was coming to my mind so I started to go through the old drafts of mine to find some clue there. And I stumbled upon some paragraphs in them that I have used here in this blog and I realized that, that is the theme a movie that I recently saw, Rockstar, was partly based on. I had almost forgotten I had written it here too(I have it in my diary). Just thought of publishing it now, may be cause, since I saw Rockstar recently, it is fresh in my mind and moreso cause I need to complete my task. Here it goes, the first 3 paragraphs here are the ones that I had written some four five months back. No I am not claiming that I am some smartass who can write stuff movies are made of and no I have not copied the theme of Rockstar here, I don't need to do that cause I am not even a writer plus I did not really think the movie was all that great. I had some thoughts, so sharing them here:

One day I was just wondering what I wanted to do in life as in the eternal question- What is my life's goal??? I am 25 and still no "passion" in life. Something I really wanna do. But it is squat. Sad huh?
Well there are some people who live a passionless life and I guess am just one of them. Was I born with any talent? Is there anything that has not been identified yet? Something unexplored. And here I am not talking about the routine job that we all people do to earn money and pay the rent and bills.

I wish there was something I could do extraordinarily, something that I followed with all my heart. I can do a lot of stuff okay, but nothing out of the box. Then I started to think that to pursue anything you need to feel the pain, the sadness behind it and that's when your best creation comes out. The best songs, the best paintings, the best poetry come from the most hurt souls. Pain is a stimulator and can be super constructive. It boils as a pain but comes out through the creative vent. At times brings out the best in you.

Sometimes, I wish that I could write a great poem but how can I do that when I have not really touched that painful side of me, that sad part inside me. Sometimes pain gets you acquainted to a part inside you that you never knew existed. Whatever little I have evolved, I think it's the pain that I had faced at various instances of my life that helped me and I am thankful to the people/events that caused it cause I didn't even know that I could experience that kindda feeling ever, that there is a different side to me.
(sounds familiar? rings a bell???)

When I was young I wanted to be in a band. I knew squat about playing instruments and singing, still like any other teenager, who had recently started listening to English songs of boy bands like Backstreet boys, Boyzone and Westlife and grew up singing "I am a Barbie Girl" and whose first international crush was Ronan Keating, singing in a band would have been a natural career progression. My room was filled with posters of these guys. If ever I would have made a band it would have been called Face the Music. But then we all wanna be in a band when we were teenagers. ;)
My mum has been the drummer in my family's and my life. I believe that in a band, the drummer is the one who holds the whole band together, like the backbone. Even though she/he keeps playing in the background, forming the foundation for a piece of music, sitting at the farthest end of the stage, hardly visible behind the lead vocalist and lead guitarist, the drummer holds it all. If the drummer is not tight, the whole band falls like a pack of cards. My mother has been that for us, holding us all together. Without her, we fall. Thanks mum, I never say that to you too often!

Doing engineering was the actual natural career progression that took place. You score well in class??? Love mathematics??? Voila... Engineering is the only career choice. And here I am, another engineer here, trying hard to carve a niche for herself. To be honest, I am not even trying that hard. I have been destiny's child so far. Things just happened to me. College, job, MBA or no MBA. I never really went out there, struggled for things, made efforts. Partly cause I didn't really have any passion, partly may be cause I got things the easy way.  Not that I am scared of anything or of trying new things. I don't know if getting things the easy way is a good thing or not but one day one really needs to and has to come out of one's comfort zone, one's cocoon, push oneself, take those baby steps on a rope tied between two ends of poles, with no man's land underneath and walk into the unseen, the untreaded .

About personal life, about relationships and all...well, I have been silly there, I have to agree. A friend of mine got so far as saying to me that the remake of a movie should be made- Good luck Chhavi(based on Good luck Chuck). Those who have seen the movie will understand what I am talking about, minus the coitus part. :P Guys usually find the girl of their lives after they go past me.

So far, it has been a No-Regrets kindda life mostly. Some things happened, some didn't, some should have happened, some shouldn't have, but no issues. Even though destiny kept throwing stuff at me, at the end of the day, the decision was made solely by me and mostly not influenced by someone else or something else. That's the key of having no regrets I think. The feeling that all the decisions that I took in the day, were all my choices and that's how I want my life to be right now. But I need to find my "thing".
There are some major decisions to be taken ahead about what destiny is offering me right now, that can change the course of my life but let things come one at a time. Will deal with them too. Bring it on! :)

From writing a blog to finish off a task, I didn't realize it would become like a page in my diary, but then my life is an open ebook, with only few pages having passwords. ;)

Cheers!

देखो आगे क्या होता है...

रात बहुत गहराने लगी है,

सन्नाटा गूंजता है कानो में |

पर इन रोशन तारों की टिम-टिम में,

अँधेरा छंटने लगा राहों से |

सूरज अगर ढल भी जाये, चांदनी जब जब छाये,
इस रात ने कब किसी को रोका है |

अभी हिम्मत तू बचा के रख,

देखो आगे क्या होता है |

कुछ आंसू आँख से टपके हैं,

कुछ पलकों में ही सो गए,

कुछ आंसू वो बेबाक बेचारे,

वो अन्दर ही खो गए |

मंजिल मिल जाने पे राही,

इन आंसुओं का मोल नहीं होता है,

अभी इनको तू बचा के रख,

देखो आगे क्या होता है | 

जब सपने तुमने देखे थे,

तो क्या उनसे शर्त लगाई थी?

क्या मिटा देगा तू अपनी हंसती 

क्यूँकि कभी कोई कसम खाई थी?

सपनों को है अभी पूरा होना,

दिल तू अभी से क्यूँ रोता है,

सफ़र अभी है बहुत ही लम्बा,

देखो आगे क्या होता है |

The fun called Goa - Part 2

I know it's been some time since I last posted Part 1 but lemme throw at you the most cliched excuse- 'I had been really busy of late. Didn't get time to do it', which is a strange thing to say cause no matter how busy I would have been, may be running the country or something, but taking out two hours max would have been a cake walk for me. It is an ironical excuse- 'I had been really busy of late.' We have all used this excuse in front of some one or the other who would have said the same thing to us at some point of time. Who are we kidding?

Anyway, whatever the real reason was, the good (or may be the bad) thing is that I am back, writing. As I write this, it seems as if I am reliving the whole thing again. Each moment, each place, each beach. I feel that even if I would have stayed at just one beach for all days, I would have liked Goa just as much. It's a wild place and makes you wild too. When I say wild, I don't mean you go about running-naked-on-the-beaches kindda wild. I mean carefree, stressless, lisetning-to-your-heart, not-giving-a-shit-about-what-neighbours-say kindda wild.

One thing I really liked about Goa was the vibe of Goa. It transforms you into someone you are not in real life but someone you always aspire to be. I fell in love with Goa. It was like falling in love with a guy (I think that is how it should feel like to be in love with someone). Someone whom you look forward to, someone with whom you don't have to pretend anything, you can just be yourself, and most importantly, someone who inspires you to be a better person. Goa just let me be me, it inspired me to be real and better me, fun-loving, free, thinker, and yea wild. I did many things I have never done in life and before I make this my personal diary let's proceed to Day 2. :)

Day 2:
We were still missing the real thing that we were expecting from Goa to come. That is the BEACH. We were determined coming days are all gonna be about beaches and babes. In this case the babes is us and not some gay thing we had in mind. ;)
We went to Candolim beach as soon as were done with breakfast, not to waste any time.We didn't wanna waste even one moment of our time in Goa. I wondered what if our entire life was based on that concept that each moment is important and should be valued. Life is so beautiful. I think this is the best thing about traveling. Ever low in life, go for some adventure trip or to some place you have never seen before. Explore it. Absorb it. And then realize how unpredictable life and the world is. You never know what is coming across at the next turn.

                                 Pic 1: Candolim Beach

Candolim was a nice beach. Our first encounter with a real beach in Goa. And it was endless and welcoming. Clean, quiet, beautiful, serene but ferocious at the same time. We girls had lotsa fun there. We did the silliest and the most cliched things imaginable on a beach. Dragged each other to water, got drowned in waves, posed for cameras like beach models (that's one more fun thing about going with all girls), wrote our names in sand, ran across the beach, tried making sand castles, sand-ball fight (that's a new thing we discovered).

    Pic 2: Fun at Candolim 

   Pic 3: Posers. Location: Candolim

In the evening we went to South Goa. South Goa didn't really impress me much to be honest for a couple of reasons. One, cause there was not much to be seen.We went to a church and then to Miramar beach. We didn't really go to the beach, so headed towards the Panjim market. And that was second reason I didn't like South Goa. For a shopping-hater like me, it's a punishment. I mean, what if we did not have to do any shopping at all. No choices, no walking aimlessly in the malls, no irritation for not finding what we are looking for, no getting pissed at what crap shirt we brought after 6 hours of searching. Though the food we had at this place called Fidalgo was good, and the prawns...Don't even get me started on that. One of the yummiest things I have ever eaten. So South Goa was not as bad as I just made it sound. It was fine. Another thing, apart from prawns that really impressed me was, the local crowd of Goa. The people there are really nice and warm and approachable. If you ask them for a direction, they will make sure that you know it all right. And sometimes even accompany you till some distance. Initially we thought that being girls we were grabbing some extra attention but later realized it was the same case everywhere. People there realize the importance of tourism, as it is the main industry of Goa and hence are more than helping. They may even pass you a smile when you are walking on the road. It was awkward initially but then it becomes a part of you too and there is constant smile on your face. I just imagine doing the same in Delhi. People will think I am a lunatic.

    Pic 4: Church in South Goa

At night we went again to St. Anthony's. St. Anthony's was a bit different that day. More crowded basically. And crowded places are not really my thing. But I did one of the firsts of my life that day. I had a tequilla shot. I am not sure if I am gonna have it again or not, but that day I just struck one thing off my to-do list (yea, I have a weird list). I hope that my mum doesn't see this blog. ;) We danced the night away and head was a bit hung up. And we came back late from another wild night.(I would spare further details ;))

DAY 3:
This day was special too as I struck two more things off my to-do-in-Goa list. a) Riding a two-wheeler (without a license) in Goa b) Taste Fenny (even though everyone warned me against it). But Goa mein aake Fenny nahi piya toh kya piya!! ;)

    Pic 5: Aguada Fort

People tell me all the time, "Chhavi, you are crazy." My reply, "I know, right? Isn't that the best part about me?" I mean, what's the deal in being crazy for once. Go mad! Don't think! Just do! I believe the most fun I have had in my life was the time when I did not think twice about stuff, just went by my intuition. They say you should go against the flow, well I say, sometimes just go with the flow, get submerged, free your mind and soul. Keep flowing or floating or may be free falling. (Doesn't mean you jump from the next building!) Release yourself.
The entire day was spent in North Goa. Morning we went to Aguada fort, which was good but it was damn hot and sunny.

    Pic 6: Dil Chahta Hai point, Aguada Fort

Then a long drive to Calangute beach. Had yummy North Indian and then began the long, amazing and beautiful drive to Anjuna Beach. The way to Anjuna is the most beautiful. It's like you are driving into the lap of nature. The coconut trees, the hills, the forests, a road going in between, riding  a two wheeler on that road and suddenly it starts to pour. Best feeling ever!

    Pic 7: Sunset at Anjuna beach

We had reached the Anjuna Beach by mistake and not the shack Curlies which was the actual destination. It took some convincing to take the group there cause we had already spent much time in Calangute and it was hot that day. But I knew I had to see Curlies so I took the Activa and asked them to follow me. The way to Curlies is even more beautiful. And as soon as we stepped into Curlies it was amazing! The shack was wonderful with nice feel to it. Nice food, nice music, nice people.

    Pic 8: Me with friends at Curlies, Anjuna beach

    Pic 9: Gal pals. Location: Anjuna beach

I was so glad that we didn't miss Curlies, infact all of us were. We had the most amazing time there, on the beach, on the rocks near the beach, watching the sun set (though covered by the clouds) and just sitting there. Devi, my friend and I went mad and didn't want to come out of water but like all good things come to end, we were hotel-bound. :(

    Pic 10: Rocks at Curlies, Anjuna beach

At night we went to this disc Tito's, it was over-rated. But I would be cheating myself if I would say I didn't have fun time there. Infact I had a very very good time there. Danced my ass out through the night. Reached hotel in the wee hours. And turned the TV on at full volume at 4 am in the morning. The hotel people had to warn us that they will cut the power to our room. Another wild night. :)

Day 3 was the most fun of all the days, though each place we visited in those four days or each moment we enjoyed had a special ring to it.

Day 4:
The day when you have to go back is all screwed up and you cannot do much that day even if your flight is at night. That's cause you keep sulking throughout the day that you have to go back to the same mundane life and the mere thought of it makes you sad on the inside. The whole day goes into mourning the fact that the amazing time you had is ending.

                                Pic 11: Wavin' Good Bye

But that didn't exactly lower our spirits cause there was much to be done. In the morning went to Candolim again as a friend was leaving for Bangalore in the afternoon. Waving a friend good bye after having such good time for 24 * 7 in last three days is like snapping back to the reality. That's when it really struck that Damn..It's gonna be over soon like all the other times. After seeing her off we went to another beach called Arambol beach.

It was another nice beach and it was different from the beaches we had already seen. It was vast, the sand was softer and the wave pattern was different, they were much calmer. Yea, after all these days on the beaches, I had gained enough knowledge of how waves behave at which beach depending on which time of the day it is. That was the only place in fact where the sea food was bad. Again it became impossible for others to bring Devi and myself back to the shack.

The drive to hotel was a bit nostalgic as we knew Goa trip was coming to an end. We had a flight to catch after this(perhaps this aggravated my sadness ;) )
I slept all the way from Goa to Delhi, courtesy all the sleepless nights that I had in past few days. It was the best sleep ever.

Now that I am back in Delhi, the images of Goa are still there in my mind and as fresh. It took me some time to settle back in here but now I can say I have. The only thing that has changed is that I have resolved not to let my life just pass by paying bills and sitting on my laptop for the major portion of the day. It was the longest weekend I had in last 1.5 years that extended for more than 1 day. But all in all I had fun. Longest I have stayed away from my laptop in last 2 years. Technology has ruined the simple pleasures of life. Again another story for a different time.

All I can say is that Goa, you'll be missed, hope you miss me too. Who am I kidding, I know you must have forgotten me by now. :( But I will come again, for ol' time sake. Hope you'll be as welcoming! Ciao! :)

    Pic 12: We'll be back 

The fun called Goa - Part 1

                            
What happens in Vegas, remains in Vegas. Well, what happens in Goa, definitely doesn't remain in Goa. It comes along with you, stays with you, takes you back to Goa.(At least, I'd like to believe)
This ain't gonna be a blog where I tell you which places to go, what to eat, what to see. If you came with that in mind you can still go back. For those who wanna know when it's time to say,"Dude! that's some major shit that is happening in your life. It's all so fucked up", it's for you guys. Call them rants if you want. All this, coming from the girl in red shorts. Well, I would be pleased to say that I had almost lost my job for this and strangely so I had no problem with that and trust me it was more than worth it.(Secretly, I wished my boss fired me. ;) Why I have not quit my job already, is a different story altogether for a different time)

The trip was special this time.
a) It was G.O.A, the ultimate fun destination that I had been planning for so long, strictly with friends.
b) This break came after 1.5 years of non-stop working(some of the Sundays too)
c) All-girls trip for the first time ever! (Highly recommended)
d) It was one of my best friend's bachelorette, hence it had to be super wild. Wild, I made sure, it was. ;) (Suddenly am feeling so old, seeing friends getting married :( )
e) Last year was weird, this break was much needed.

After exchanging almost 250 emails with my gal pals, we were finally Goa-bound. Precious things i learned while planning this:
a) Girls will start gossiping anywhere. They don't care what the concerned issue in the email is.
b) When people say girls are a confused lot, very sadly I will have to agree with them now.
c) Just keep saying yes to whatever is being planned else you'll find yourself into a never ending loop of suggestions and confusions, even on things as petty as sun-screen.
d) When the water starts getting over your head, take charge, become the leader and start taking decisions for them. Trust me, you'll become the bad-ass for once but actually you are doing THEM a favor.
e) Planning is still easier, execution mammoth.

The friend who is supposed to get married has not gone so far as next state, except for where she was born, where she grew up and where she studied. She has never seen a disc in her life, never did a night out with her friends (except for hostel) and is going to get married to a nice guy with perfectly creased shirt, shining shoes, frame less spectacles, blackberry at its place and parting cleanly visible, the kinds your parents want you to get married to. He is a very nice guy though(I have met him). All good girls meet good guys. And girls like me, well they think the good guys exist and want to meet them. When the good guys do show up, they freak out. We need someone to tell us that it's all okay and that you are not weird if you don't believe in commitment and if it makes you develop a cold feet. Again, it's a different story altogether for a different time. So for her, we had to make it large and make it large we did(pun totally intended ;)). She was totally insane by the end of it, trust me on that.

DAY 1:
So finally, one fine morning we were on plane to Goa. No cute stewards around. Fail.

                                          Pic 2 # Delhi Airport

I personally hate flying. I mean it's good for the initial part of the time when we are airborne, but the overall experience is a little short of harrowing for me. The take-off, the landing, the exploding eardrums and consequent head-ache, the monotony of the scenery outside(yea, am not one of those who is fascinated by the sky and clouds), and the only person sitting next to you mostly wants to sleep. Trains on the other hand are super interesting, the only disadvantage being long hours consumed in traveling. Though, am not much of a talker than the talkee especially when it comes to strangers but it's fun, the ever changing landscapes, even observing people, getting engaged in an interesting conversation with a stranger is icing on the cake. Even the curiosity of who's gonna sit next to you for the next 16-17 hours of journey is another exciting thing, praying for a handsome bloke to come and take the seat. But call it a string of bad luck, prayers never worked. :-/ Or may be all the cool guys have started taking flights. Damn! People are forgetting the simplicity of life, of traveling via trains and talking to strangers, sharing food with them, finding out common interests or even discussing the pathetic condition of trains these days and why flying is better.

Sometimes there comes a time in our life when our life is going on at the speed of 900kmph and we miss out on all the things that just pass by. A smile, a word, a flower, a breeze and in my case this time, a feeling of cool wave hitting my feet gently. That's the time we should press the brake with all our might. Screeeeech. Halt. Think. Reflect. Is it worth it?

                                          Pic 3 # Calangute Beach
 
Coming back to the trip, the first impression of Goa was not good on me to be honest. But the fault was mine. I was expecting wrong things from Goa. When I used to think about Goa, I would just imagine beautiful beaches, sunsets et al. Goa is not just about that I realized after doing some roaming and spending time there. Thank god I didn't let the first impression stay for long. Goa is definitely about beaches and sunsets but it is also about fun, about masti, music, awesome food and drinks, awesomer people and awesomest nightlife. I realized it within 3 hours of being in Goa, when I came out of the first restaurant in Calangute beach. Pathetic beach, I must say(After seeing the most amazing beaches of Andamans, blue water and white sand, you will surely not like anything else, so my fault, not the beach's). Wayyy too crowded with shady people around. We were damn hungry, that may be another reason why we didn't like that beach and cause of which we were getting a bit grumpy too. There was this restaurant called Sans Lobo where we ate food twice our capacity cause a) we were damn hungry b) the food was damn good.
After that we went to Baga Beach, all walking. It must have been good 3-4 kms and by the time we reached Baga we were again tired, grumpy, pissed and hungry. But as soon as we sat in the restaurant called St. Anthony's which is by the beach, we were our peppy-selves again. Coming to think of it now, walking to Baga was not that bad an idea after all. You get to know the actual things about the place when you roam about walking, taking time and seeing things.
The thing that we missed in Calangute we got it here, nice clean beach, nice crowd, nice music and to top it all Karaoke. Except for a couple of us noone had seen a beach before, they went wild(we were seven girls). It was night time but still we splashed, we played by the sea-side.

                                          Pic 4# Baga Beach fun. We had some ass kickin time there
 
And after that 7 girls singing on the top of their lungs, "Summer of  '69" and Complicated, joined by almost whole of the restaurant, it couldn't get wilder than this. We knew then Goa had arrived!

                                          Pic 5 # Karaoke night at St. Anthony's, Baga Beach

Contd.

I am not fine anymore...

I am not fine anymore...


I am fighting a fight within myself.


I am fighting to keep the memories that are just passing by.


I am fighting to remember the look in your eyes.


I am fighting to keep my palms moist of the sweat when we were holding hands.


I am fighting to keep myself one piece when your memories are tearing me apart.


I am fighting not to be with you.


When you asked me to go, it was you who never left.


When I am all alone, I say things to you that you may never hear.


We had so many beautiful memories, but the only memory left with me is when you were going away.


I want to hate you,


I shout at you while I am vacuuming my house.


I don't feel you anymore, even if you are like this storm inside me.


I will wait for you forever, but I wish that you never come back.


I know I will never be fine anymore.

The girl in yellow slippers

She is a nice girl.
She loves to play guitar.
She is pretty.
She climbs two steps at a time.
She walks straight into the puddles of water and not around them.
She stops to give alms to the old man on the sidewalk.
She loves rain.
Her mother cooks cereal for her every morning.
She puts on her jeans and goes to college every day. She loves it.
She has crush on a guy in her class who steals a glance at her when she is not noticing.
She hates make up.
She hates long nails.
She likes to dress casual.
She loves her younger sister.
She cries a bucketful everytime she watches 'Titanic'.
Her favourite romantic movie is "When Harry met Sally".
She can listen to Whitney Houston and Adele all night long.
She's crazy about Michael Jackson and cried her eyes out the day he died.
She likes to write in her diary and keeps it locked.
She comes back from college at 7 in the evening.
She puts on heavy makeup.
She puts on long artificial nails.
She puts on a revealing dress.
She goes to a place where she is welcomed and noone looks at her peculiarly.
There is a different man waiting for her this time.
He is the English professor from her college.
She won't be able to go to college from tomorrow.
She will never be able to see the guy she had crush on.
She is the girl in yellow slippers.