"Pata hai.. Yahaan se bahut door. Galat aur sahi ke paar. Ek maidan hai. Main wahaan milunga tujhe"
(You know...Far away from here, beyond the right and wrong, there is an open ground...I will meet you there...) - Rumi
For my Day Zero task(101 things to do in 1001 days) I was struggling hard this month, as I need to update my blog every month for a year. I was nearing the end of the month and nothing was coming to my mind so I started to go through the old drafts of mine to find some clue there. And I stumbled upon some paragraphs in them that I have used here in this blog and I realized that, that is the theme a movie that I recently saw, Rockstar, was partly based on. I had almost forgotten I had written it here too(I have it in my diary). Just thought of publishing it now, may be cause, since I saw Rockstar recently, it is fresh in my mind and moreso cause I need to complete my task. Here it goes, the first 3 paragraphs here are the ones that I had written some four five months back. No I am not claiming that I am some smartass who can write stuff movies are made of and no I have not copied the theme of Rockstar here, I don't need to do that cause I am not even a writer plus I did not really think the movie was all that great. I had some thoughts, so sharing them here:
One day I was just wondering what I wanted to do in life as in the eternal question- What is my life's goal??? I am 25 and still no "passion" in life. Something I really wanna do. But it is squat. Sad huh?
Well there are some people who live a passionless life and I guess am just one of them. Was I born with any talent? Is there anything that has not been identified yet? Something unexplored. And here I am not talking about the routine job that we all people do to earn money and pay the rent and bills.
I wish there was something I could do extraordinarily, something that I followed with all my heart. I can do a lot of stuff okay, but nothing out of the box. Then I started to think that to pursue anything you need to feel the pain, the sadness behind it and that's when your best creation comes out. The best songs, the best paintings, the best poetry come from the most hurt souls. Pain is a stimulator and can be super constructive. It boils as a pain but comes out through the creative vent. At times brings out the best in you.
Sometimes, I wish that I could write a great poem but how can I do that when I have not really touched that painful side of me, that sad part inside me. Sometimes pain gets you acquainted to a part inside you that you never knew existed. Whatever little I have evolved, I think it's the pain that I had faced at various instances of my life that helped me and I am thankful to the people/events that caused it cause I didn't even know that I could experience that kindda feeling ever, that there is a different side to me.
(sounds familiar? rings a bell???)
When I was young I wanted to be in a band. I knew squat about playing instruments and singing, still like any other teenager, who had recently started listening to English songs of boy bands like Backstreet boys, Boyzone and Westlife and grew up singing "I am a Barbie Girl" and whose first international crush was Ronan Keating, singing in a band would have been a natural career progression. My room was filled with posters of these guys. If ever I would have made a band it would have been called Face the Music. But then we all wanna be in a band when we were teenagers. ;)
My mum has been the drummer in my family's and my life. I believe that in a band, the drummer is the one who holds the whole band together, like the backbone. Even though she/he keeps playing in the background, forming the foundation for a piece of music, sitting at the farthest end of the stage, hardly visible behind the lead vocalist and lead guitarist, the drummer holds it all. If the drummer is not tight, the whole band falls like a pack of cards. My mother has been that for us, holding us all together. Without her, we fall. Thanks mum, I never say that to you too often!
Doing engineering was the actual natural career progression that took place. You score well in class??? Love mathematics??? Voila... Engineering is the only career choice. And here I am, another engineer here, trying hard to carve a niche for herself. To be honest, I am not even trying that hard. I have been destiny's child so far. Things just happened to me. College, job, MBA or no MBA. I never really went out there, struggled for things, made efforts. Partly cause I didn't really have any passion, partly may be cause I got things the easy way. Not that I am scared of anything or of trying new things. I don't know if getting things the easy way is a good thing or not but one day one really needs to and has to come out of one's comfort zone, one's cocoon, push oneself, take those baby steps on a rope tied between two ends of poles, with no man's land underneath and walk into the unseen, the untreaded .
About personal life, about relationships and all...well, I have been silly there, I have to agree. A friend of mine got so far as saying to me that the remake of a movie should be made- Good luck Chhavi(based on Good luck Chuck). Those who have seen the movie will understand what I am talking about, minus the coitus part. :P Guys usually find the girl of their lives after they go past me.
So far, it has been a No-Regrets kindda life mostly. Some things happened, some didn't, some should have happened, some shouldn't have, but no issues. Even though destiny kept throwing stuff at me, at the end of the day, the decision was made solely by me and mostly not influenced by someone else or something else. That's the key of having no regrets I think. The feeling that all the decisions that I took in the day, were all my choices and that's how I want my life to be right now. But I need to find my "thing".
There are some major decisions to be taken ahead about what destiny is offering me right now, that can change the course of my life but let things come one at a time. Will deal with them too. Bring it on! :)
From writing a blog to finish off a task, I didn't realize it would become like a page in my diary, but then my life is an open ebook, with only few pages having passwords. ;)
Cheers!
11 comments:
It need steel nerves to speak truth...
carry on
When you ride your bike on a lonely straight highway, you hardly met any accident. It makes you safe but later creates boredom and eventually you realize that you are dragging it without any interest or passion just to end it. This is one part, the safe part. Secondly, if the road is some busy city road where you cannot bet on your driving skills that you will never met an accident coz there are people around, a few are dying to do this.:) These accidents of course gift you some "pain" but this is irritating and never give birth to passion. Moreover you become violent or irritated or coward or slow. There is a third part that I am not telling you. Find it on your own. :) Kyuki jab tak dil se nahi aega tab tak passion nahi aaega. ;)
OMG!!! Now I know what it feels like wen u r working on something and somebody comes up with it first.....so true for me too!
@Ashish: It's easy once you have given up your insecurities. :)
@Vinod aka dOn: You need to explain that to me in more detail.
@Rahul: Aree nah,I was not working on it or something.I had even forgotten about it. But yea feels good that what you were thinking about made sense to someone at least. :)
I am looking for the password for the ebook :) Well written :) Oh do update your blog every sunday, it would be nice to hear more often from you.
You could be immensely talented, but you fail to recognize it under normal circumstances. To neutralize the pain, you create another world for yourself, another dimension where the pain does not exist, but your creativity does. Although i admit, the pain never actually leaves you, the other dimension does take away the sting a bit.
You are not the only one who who has faced the good luck chuck syndrome and when the pain was unbearable for me, i started working towards another goal. There is a lot to be done, a lot to be achieved and yet we do not look past our monthly salary untill we are provoked by some means.
I can understand that engineering is not everyones first choice, but then now you are here, be good at it. I could crib a lot, that i did not get what i wanted from life and so forth, but that would be a waste of time and energy, let's just be good at what we do.
MBA will happen for you, but it would be far better if you could change the course of life and give it a new direction, a direction which leads you to do things which give you immense happiness. You just seem to be lost, with so many things to do and no idea from where to start.
You made a list..now it's time to keep striking one thing at a time
Waiting for more updates :)
@Ruckus: :) That's the best thing you could say to me and much appreciated. Some of them are so true. We do create a different/virtual world for ourselves which is minus the pain.
I am on the path where there is lot to be done and yea, I am kindda lost, in the process of finding myself. :)
I don't crib about being an engineer, cause I don't know anything else o do right now. Once I find that thing, i wont be an engineer anymore hence cribbing will always be out of question in my life.
Also, not doing MBA i think was one of the good decisions I took last year. I am glad I didn't go. I am much more evolved now and see things in better light and not rush towards something.
Your words are wonderful. Would love to read your blog too.
And I am a lazy bum, hence updating regularly is kindda tough for me. :)
Thank you for appreciating me ma'am. I do not write a blog. I am glad that you do not plan to end up a in business school like the 90% of IT professionals. You know, it is never too late to follow your dreams and your passion.
I don't know if this is relevant to you, but why not join an NGO for kids. Teach them, give something back to the world. There are a lot of under privileged kids who would want your support , or start compiling your thoughts and notes turn into a book. Learn something new. Rishikesh as bungee jumping now, try it out :)
Even though the days make be dark, there is always a silver lining which is waiting to be grabbed. Do not let go of it.
All the best ma'am.
P.S. Will msg u on fb soon.
"It is never too late to follow your dreams and your passion."- i know, but for that you need to identify your passion
"Why not join an NGO for kids."- I already have, it's been more than 1.5 years.
"Start compiling your thoughts" - I already am, here.
"Learn something new."- Learning guitar.
"Rishikesh as bungee jumping" -Planned this birthday
"Even though the days may be dark"- My days aren't dark.They are very colorful,I am bursting with energy, infact I love myself way too much. ;)
I think I am one unsatisfiable person :D
:)) Nice nice. Share your NGO experience in the blog.
And update it regularly :)
All the best
Post a Comment